This is my 2nd attempt at a blog and it already feels like the right decision. My 1st one can be summed up as a big ole pile of crap! It was soft, fluffy, Pollyanna bullshit that I thought “should” have been said in order to make me look like some evolved human being. I was trying to people please and not hurt feelings and step on people’s toes. I wrote because I love to but it became increasingly dreadful. It got to the point where my last entry was in 2013 and I didn’t breathe a sigh of relief until I deleted it yesterday, April 22nd, 2015!
The time between my last post in 2013 and today has been spent getting back to journaling. It’s something I’ve done a good part of my life, starting with those little Hello Kitty secret diaries with the key. Man, I would love to dig that up! I probably wrote about my Barbies making out and wondering how different I actually was going to turn out. Anyway….back to the topic at hand. I’ve been journaling as a form of release and healing in my own journey. That bad boy holds some serious emotion and heavy issues and is one of the most cathartic things I can do for myself. Sometimes I will use some of those entries as a basis for a Facebook post, and that is exactly what led to this blog.
I recently journaled about cleaning out my closet and how it felt to lose 24 lbs. and 3 pant sizes. I have struggled with weight all my life so this was a huge accomplishment for me. I took a picture of all the empty hangars and I decided to share it on FB. Right before hitting the post button, I went into sabotage mode with thoughts such as “Who gives a shit how much weight you’ve lost?”, “Nice picture. Boring much?”, “You’re never going to look like the ‘real’ Crossfit athletes so it’s not worth a post.” and so on and so forth. I’m not exactly sure what came over me but a very loud voice in my head came back with, “SHUT. UP! This is for YOU! Write for YOU and post for YOU!” So I did and the feedback was mind-blowing!! Not only words of encouragement on the post itself, but e-mails and FB messenger chats telling me how my words and my journey have affected their lives and how it was just what they needed to hear. I’d been struggling with connecting with my purpose as of late, and then all this happened. It absolutely made my day knowing that something I said and did made an impact on someone else. That’s what lights me up! So maybe there’s something to this sharing thing. How bad can it be to break down a little wall and let some light in?
I’ve heard over and over that I need to be sharing what I write because someone out there needs to hear it. I’ve usually laughed it off, said “thanks” and been on my way. This time, however, I am getting signs from the Universe left, right, front and center. So… I am stepping way outside my comfort zone and getting as real and vulnerable as I know how. It might strike a chord for some and bore the hell out of others. It might make people laugh or want to punch me in the face. Either way, it’s all good because this is my journey, my point of view, and is written for me. In making light of myself and my struggles, I am healing old wounds and writing a new story. I just have a distorted and unconventional way of doing so, but hey, if it helps someone else out in the process; AWESOME!