The Universe has come at me in a variety of ways, poking at me to sit my ass down and write again. Most recently it took the form of two lovely ladies who took Pam and I out to dinner and for a night of painting. “Why aren’t you writing?” I was asked. “My office peeps are your biggest fans!” Well shiiiiiiit. You mean to tell me I have a cubicle of fans that I never knew about? Now, I NEED to write!
Truth is, even before all the signs and the well meaning friends and family telling me I should be writing again, I’d already been having the internal struggle with sincerely wanting to return to it. Yet I continually keep finding excuses as to why I can’t; the biggest one being that there is nothing to write about. Even I wasn’t buying that line of crap! There is actually plenty on my mind and lots I could say. But, after a little soul searching, at the heart of the matter is wanting to keep it light (yet very real and sarcastic; similar to my personality) while not appearing as though I am turning a blind eye to the state of the world today.
I’m also quite lazy.
There are days when I feel absolutely helpless to what’s happening to our country and our people and all I want to do is sit in a dark room and cry over a tub of Tillamook. Even I am smart enough to understand, however, that the only thing that will solve is absolutely fucking nothing. Do you know what else solves absolutely fucking nothing? Facebook debates. Twitter rants. Screaming at friends and family who have a differing opinion. If you want to make a change, pull a Michael Jackson, look in the damn mirror, and MAKE ONE! So, that’s what I have decided to do.
Rather than sit in wallow and worry, I have decided to take some action that would make ME feel better. Cause, let’s not lie, it is all about me. My action plan is simple.
Blog as the sarcastic bitch that I know I can be and bring a smile to even just one person. Maybe that one person can then smile at someone else and so on and so forth. People will smile. Relationships will be formed. Babies will be conceived and I, my friends, will be the reason for World Peace. You’re welcome.
But how do I start? What the hell do I write about?
It’s been a year and 5 months since my last entry and 34 years since my last confession. Last you heard from me I was on some sort of cleanse and, FYI, I didn’t finish it because it was stupid. Last a priest heard from me , I was wearing a white dress and patent leather shoes. I was holding a Bible, and the only thing straight about me was my hair despite trying to convince myself otherwise. Consider yourselves caught up with a few minor life experiences in between.
What to write? What to write? Hmmm?
I know. I’ll pray about it. YES! Seems to work for my Mom who is always covering me with the blood of Jesus when I travel. I have yet to die so this is a great starting point.
I figured I’d ask the Big Guy if he could help a sister out and give up some writing ideas. I used to pray all the time, but I didn’t think I was doing it right so I became complacent and just gave a shout up to God when someone was in distress or dying. Or when I was in distress or dying. You know the type. “Dear God, if you let me get through this Front Squat WOD without sharting a wad in my shorts, I promise to never eat burritos again.” Or your basic prayer to the porcelain God; “Please Lord if you stop me from puking, I promise to never do shots of Patron again.” (It’s a good possibility these two prayers were from the same night.) I became a Bargaining Betty.
Nowadays I’ve flipped the script(ure) and I pray over every damn thing to the point that I think even Jesus is tired of hearing from me.
“Hi J. Me again. Today I am here to pray for the folks in Houston, Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, Sonoma, and Las Vegas.” It’s since been shortened to “please protect your people from all pain and suffering that is induced by Mother Nature and humans.”
I had to shorten that shit or nobody else would get a prayer in edge-wise. I’m throwing prayers up like it’s confetti and hoping for the world to come together in a Pride Parade. It hasn’t happened yet but I remain hopeful.
Anyway...prayers for writing...
This morning I was sipping on my tea like a little old Nana, trying to ground myself before I got started with my day, and I found myself wondering if my prayers aren’t being answered because I am doing it wrong. I asked for ideas for writing in addition to peace on earth, but so far I’ve seen nothing to indicate that Spirit cares what I have to say.
Perhaps I swear too much? Maybe it’s because I am not addressing them properly? Maybe instead of a “Hey, J.C., what it be!?” it should be more of a “Dear Holy Spirit, Higher Self, Divine God, Ascended Masters, Buddha Rising, Beloved Deceased, Loved Animals in the Light, and anyone I may have missed...” kind of intro?
So what I have been known to do is eavesdrop on Pam’s grounding meditations and prayer. You see, Pam is very into what I like to call “woo” and she has helped me with grounding methods and has given me tips as to how to connect with my Spiritual team over the years. While I love her dearly and appreciate her efforts immensely, I cannot lie; the tips aren’t working in my favor these days.
Listening to her is no joke. Her shit is LEGIT INTENSE. She is over there blessing us all with love, light and prayer hands; asking her Spiritual team to wrap the world in a translucent bubble of golden butterflies, crescent shaped moons and heart-shaped angels wings, and I’m over here like, “Sup’ G.O.D.? Please let me fit ice cream into my macros today.” Perhaps that’s the first sign that something is amiss. Make it more about others and less about me?
All this work at prayer reminds me of when I was studying to become a Reiki Master and the whole class was all, “I can see bright blue, pink, and orange auras and, if you look every so gently, I see an elderly woman in the corner weeping and giving us all her blessing to move on.”
WHAT THE ACTUAL F!? I relaxed my eye so much it went lazy and all I could see was a corner consisting of a potted plant in desperate need of water and the words "Joanie loves Chachi" etched in the drywall.
My Reiki prayer is more along the lines of a “Reiki Reiki, Reiki.....work, work work....please Reiki work... Go, Reiki, Go” chant! (I am pleased to announce that I do actually sense energy during Reiki and believe whole-heartedly in it, but I have yet to see Grandma dancing on a Teppanyaki Table.)
Is there a right way to pray? Is there a wrong way? I have not a clue. All I know is that my Guides just gifted me my first blog post in 17 months. This gives me Hope for World Peace.
Pray on playa!