Hey, hey, friends! For those of you who asked me to keep a little diary of my 30 day “Body, Mind & Soul” cleanse, here is the low down and it ain’t pretty!
The first day has come to an end and I feel like I should be rockin’ out to Destiny’s Child “Survivor”. The lyrics are going wild through my head and I pretty certain that this song needs to be on repeat for the next 29 days to keep me motivated:
I'm a survivor (what?)
I'm not gon' give up (what?)
I'm not gon' stop (what?)
I'm gon' work harder (what?)
I'm a survivor (what?)
I'm gonna make it (what?)
I will survive (what?)
Keep on survivin'(what?)
Day one, people. Day. Fucking. One. This shit is hard! I didn’t expect rainbows and unicorns but I was hoping when the time came to get started that I would have been gently shoved into the shallow end with floatation devices not punched in the throat and tossed into the icy deep with my arms tied behind my back. (Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a little. It wasn’t extremely terrible but it wasn’t without it’s challenges and this morning, I am feeling quite irritable and bitchy! Day two should be a fucking blast.)
It started when I woke up with a slight headache from Saturday night’s activities and the option for my favorite vanilla iced coffee with heavy whipping cream and cinnamon was replaced by warm lemon water. Not even Goddamn tea. Just warm water. With a lemon. Ugh. Long story short, it was the graduation potluck for Healthy Habit Solutions clients and cooking students and I may have sipped on a couple of vodka’s to take away the pain of not winning an award for my Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies. I slaved away and made them as healthy as I could, but I was beaten by Brussel Sprouts, Oxtail Stew and Cauliflower Pizza. I can’t lie though. Those dishes were amazing and Tracy, Cavene and Nancy deserved the win. Well done, ladies, well done.
But back to me.
Somehow, in the spaces between that “one” drink and the car ride home, I found myself elbow deep in a glazed donut and a Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake ice cream bar. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to know that my old school self still likes to hang out and sabotage all my hard work. Time to shut down that food whore! What better way than with a cleanse? Hooray.
Yesterday I ate about 10x the amount of veggies I am used to eating and probably more than any person should ever consume in a day. I followed it up with green juices between meals and, shockingly, I felt quite full. Not so shockingly, I also crapped green and burped up Kale all friggin day. Breakfast right now is a blend of Quinoa and Kale leftovers still stuck between my teeth.
I am missing my coffee, my dairy (despite my lactose issues), and some heavy doses of protein in the form of bacon! I am sure it will get easier but, until it does, I am just going to sit here and sip water from my special mason jar so that I at least feel cool.
The real difficult part, however, is going to be social media. I knew I enjoyed my time online perusing through everyone’s happy family photos, but what I am actually somewhat appalled to learn is how much of my time it has truly taken up. I think the younger me would be so disappointed that I traded in the outside world for an all day romp in the Facebook hay with people I really don’t even know that well to begin with.
My mornings are automatic. Coffee in one hand, iPad in another. So I was well and truly stumped yesterday when those were replaced by warm piss and a blank screen. Facebook and Instagram are the apps I go to first and it was as if I didn’t know what to do with myself when I realized that I couldn’t open them. After much internal debate over what to do next, I decided to throw in a load of laundry and watch an Elvis documentary. Spoiler alert: Elvis really is dead.
Being out and about running errands was helpful in taking my mind off of how I was going to successfully complete this cleanse but it came roaring back to the forefront of my mind when Pam left to go to the bathroom. We were waiting for a table at True Food Kitchen and, while I was sitting there, I figured I’d check Facebook. See where I am going with this? I am outside, on a beautiful scorching 100+ degree day in Arizona, surrounded by people, and here I am with my face buried in my phone pissed off because I cannot get my social media fix. There was a time when I could sit and people watch all day long. When did this all change? When did I stop becoming present? Never in a million years did I think I would ever substitute real conversation or an opportunity to laugh my ass off at dumb shit people do (aka, people watching), for an account of how amazing someone’s life is (on a daily fucking basis because ain’t life always grand at every given second?) or pictures of a perfectly formed egg. Yup, my younger self would have kicked. my. ass!
Total eye opener on the first day. I shudder to think what I will discover by like, let’s say, day ten. It’s going to be a wild ride!
I leave you with my lesson from day one: Be present. If someone is seated across from you, give them your full attention. Checking Facebook and all your other social media accounts while in their company is rude and a discount to the person you are with. I was a dick without even knowing it. You’re probably being a dick as well. Don’t be like Tiffany. Don’t be a dick.
By the way, if you are reading this and thinking that this is considered social media and I’m cheating, that would be incorrect. I am on Weebly and, because my accounts are connected, I can publish multiple places at one time. I just cannot go see the responses (if any) from Facebook. Bazinga!
Feel free to leave me a message here if you wish, otherwise, I’ll check in with you in the next 29 days (assuming I haven’t completely broken up with social media altogether by then.)